One hundred and forty nine

light years away; in the constellation

of Cygnus, in a far away galaxy

a long time ago,

there was a very dangerous

and depressing planet.

*

Cygnus was the third

planet from its sun.

Its inhabitants called the planet

Laevus Levus. It's crust was thin.

It's glaciers were evaporating.

The environment was deteriorating

so bad, there was electricity

for only 4 hours a day.

With no atmosphere

to speak of, everyone went around

with a bad case of sun burn.

What was saddest of all

were the creatures who lived at the top

of the food chain. These creatures

were known as Craps because

they had crap for brains.

*

Poison ivy grew out of their sidewalks

and in their streets.

They had genetically

altered wheat and the genes

mutated into everything else.

If that weren't bad enough,

the Craps were turning their world

into a nuclear waste dump.

Except for the smug little Craps,

all other life forms

were becoming extinct.

*

On this world was a country

unluckier than most.

It was called Ribidus

whose citizens

made a living selling trinkets

and kitchen utensils

made out of depleted uranium.

*

It was a very pious country.

Two major religious groups

comprised a majority of its population.

Sixty per cent were Jokers.

Thirty per cent were Squids.

For hundreds of years

their primary religious activity

consisted in killing and eating

each other for lunch.

*

Adding to the unlucky history

of this country, a new group

with political pretensions

called the Tricksters

had taken to proselytizing

in the streets. The Tricksters believed

in hosting soup kitchens

where they entertained crowds

by blowing everyone up.

*

The country was rich in gas

derived from guano

but most Craps had squat.

Corruption was pandemic

as well as the most popular

social entertainment,

adoringly played

whenever two Craps or more met.

*

The country was ungovernable.

One Crap clan faction after another

took political control and proceeded

to enrich themselves

at the expense of all other Craps in general.

*

Does this sound farfetched?

Sound like Haiti or an African nation?

There are oodles of countries like this

on the planet Earth. Anyway, the military

intervened. A colonel staged a coup.

He ordered fake new elections

but everyone knew

the Tricksters would riot

because they didn't play fair

and had nothing to lose.

*

Things weren't looking good

when to everyone's surprise

from an ocean away,

the Belt Way Hooligans

decided to invade.

*

Who the Belt Way Hooligans were

and what they wanted

is still a matter of debate.

Some said it was guano they were after,

others maintained

it was to make the world safer

for the average Crap

or maybe, they just wanted to build

another nuclear waste dump.

*

The Jokers and the Squids both screamed:

*The Tricksters were inconsequential

till you Hooligans barged in!*

But the Belt Way Hooligans knew better.

*

Better to deal with Tricksters

in a far away, poor country

that didn't have to be poor,

than on the Beltway

where Hooligans drank Champaign

and publicly prayed but held orgies

when no one was looking.

*

These facts are clear.

The Hooligans mobilized

and sent away to slaughter

a gaggle of young Craps.

They spent their national treasure

to support an invasion

that didn't have to take place

and ultimately couldn't be won.

What did it accomplish?

Sure, for a time it made

some Hooligans richer.

But remember, the Hooligans

were just as much Craps

as were the Jokers, Squids and Tricksters.